I’ve gotten restless lately. Uneasy and anxious. I have a lot of good going for me in my life, but I’m still pushing myself very hard in one direction or another. It seems that if I slow down I might die. It’s sort of funny because I’ve been saying for years now that I just want to slow down. Apparently that can’t happen.
So I’m forced to reevaluate my motives, my methods, and what’s most important to me. What is it that makes me happy? What brings me true joy? It’s funny, because after days of introspection, I really can’t pinpoint it. I’ve compounded my life with duty, responsibility, and pressure. And if at any point I change that, I feel like I am letting everyone down. I feel that I owe it to everyone to tattoo my ass off, paint, and draw, and just produce work after work. And if I slow down I will die a shark’s death.
RIght now I’m waiting for the payoff. I feel better when I work hard, but I know at some point I won’t be able to. I’ve already pushed myself to the brink of collapse with my work schedule and the responsibilities I have taken on. I pared back and began to feel restless. So begins a cycle I don’t know how to break.
But this isn’t your concern. I put out this work so you all have something to look at while you sip coffee in the mornings. I’ll continue to do so if you promise to keep looking. But if you stop, that whole shark death thing is awaiting me.