I often lose focus. It’s not that I’m not committed or dedicated to what I do, it’s just that there’s so much to be done. I’ve been working a 12 hour day almost every day and I still have art projects I’m working on. Errands to run. Bills to pay. Sometimes I think I’ve bitten off more than I can chew. Other times I think if I spent less time looking at funny animals on the internet I would get more done.
I try to stay motivated. It’s so damn hard sometimes. I worked myself into oblivion a few years back, and it’s taken me forever to recuperate. When I think about it, it’s sort of funny. I cut from 12 hour days to 8-10 last year. I was still working 40 hour weeks and competed more than 50 pieces of art, and still felt that I was slacking. Oh, the thoughts and feelings of a self abusing workaholic.
The sense that everything will fall apart if I slow down permeates my mind. Most of the time I don’t know if it’s paranoia or logic. I do understand I need to make it stop. I understand that I need to take time to enjoy my life, and appreciate my blessings. It’s so damn hard. The world is not on your shoulders, TIm. You are not Atlas.
One day I will realize it. Until then I have work to do.